Notes after Rehearsal, 11.1

efforts to understand effort
to understand the effort involved in letting go of being interesting
and just being.
I have a lot to learn.
when working in rehearsal from a place of total consciousness, I first hear the voice of self-judgment.
as a dancer, asked to do less and less and less, I momentarily feel my knowledge being called into question.
what do I know about dancing?
what do I know about being a performer?
what do I know about being?
"You are enough."
repeat.
you are enough.

walking across the space with performers.artists I can and am learning so much from and
appreciating the difficulty in letting go of previous ideas about dancing, previous languages, previous approaches,
a process of forgetting?
walking in a diagonal line offstage, knowing and forgetting, remembering and knowing and forgetting again.
Or just making space for new approaches.
for new ideas and possibilities of being.
somehow, a feeling of loss in that process.

Not trying to be interesting
but being interestED.
But in truth, when not trying to be interesting, some choices made are still better than others.
Are they more interesting choices?
Trust in Vic's eye and direction to discover which choices are better.worse.more-something and just continue trying things
based on impulse, awareness of the group and what the group needs.what serves the group.

Keith says, 'I think it's very simple and very beautiful and I think it takes courage.'
I think even saying so takes courage.
afraid of disappointing.
I want to practice being my best self - most awake, most open, most receptive, most trusting, most fearless - in order to grow and contribute
something of value.